Our top moments of the week:
16. Scratching Our Heads Award: We know we wouldn't be perfect on live television ourselves, but we're pretty sure we wouldn't flub something as simple as a coin toss. During Dancing with the Stars' Winner Takes All Cha-Cha, Brooke Burke tells top scorer Hines Ward to call the toss to decide the performance order. "Tails," he says. It's heads (or more specifically, Len's head), which means Chelsea Kane gets dibs, right? Not in Brooke's world! She tells Hines to choose, which he — completely mystified — does, before an awkward silence befalls the celeb-quarium and Brooke realizes her blunder. All we can say is: She would never host Million Dollar Heads or Tails.
15. Best Win for the Bad Guys: After his three first tries — including his time on the villains team for "Heroes vs. Villains" — "Boston Rob" Mariano will never be considered a good guy on Survivor. But after an entire season of manipulating and controlling his teammates, Rob was definitely the right guy to win on Redemption Island and he takes the $1 million prize after 10 years and four different games. Who wants to start placing bets on when he'll be back for win No. 2?
14. Welcome Back Award: What table flip? It only took two years, but The Real Housewives of New Jersey easily tops the infamous Season 1 dinner fight with a huge family brawl between Teresa's husband and her brother — at a baptism party nonetheless. We would say we missed these Jersey girls, but it turns out we had no idea what we were missing.
13. Most Questionable Successor: After the group is unceremoniously fired from the CIA on Chuck, Chuck and Sarah happen to inherit nearly "a cool billion," so they enlist Casey and Morgan to join their new private-sector operation. Of course, Morgan celebrates by unknowingly putting on glasses that have the Intersect in them. Oh, boy!
12. Most Touching Tribute: After her many plots to destroy the glee club — plus that one time she tried to shoot Brittany out of a cannon — Coach Sue Sylvester's warm and cuddly side seemed lost for good, if not nonexistent. But New Directions resurrects it on Glee with a moving performance of Willy Wonka's "Pure Imagination" to honor her dead sister, Jean. She grabs Will's hand in hers and thanks the glee club for their efforts. It's great to see Sue turn over a new leaf and all, but we're sure going to miss those Mr. Schue hair jokes.
11. Worst New Secret: Desperate Housewives sets up Season 8 with an intriguing bang — to the head, when Carlos hits Gaby's evil stepfather on the noggin with a candlestick and accidentally kills him. Susan, Bree and Lynette stumble upon the dead body, and the five agree to hide the body and keep the death under wraps. It probably shouldn't have taken a dead body to unite our favorite four housewives, but you won't hear us complaining.
10. Most Anticipated Return: After getting poached by the State Department in the fall on Criminal Minds, JJ returns to the BAU when she furtively accepts an off-screen offer from Rossi to rejoin the team — this despite Hotch announcing that there are budget cuts. Plus, didn't Hotch vow that he would find a way to bring her back? Way to undermine his authority, Rossi! Still, welcome back, JJ! Now if we can get Prentiss back...
9. The Et Tu, Brute? Award: We sympathize with McGarrett, who did everything but scream, "Why, God, why?!?" in the Hawaii Five-0 finale when he discovers that the governor herself is in cahoots with his nemesis Wo Fat, the man behind his father's murder. You can tell by the look on McGarrett's handsome face that whatever explanations she offers just weren't going to cut that feeling of incomprehensible betrayal. At least Wo Fat turning on the governor provides some rough justice.
8. Biggest Bloodbath: On Law & Order: SVU, Jenna stops by the precinct to see her mother's killer face to face and unleashes a spray of bullets on the three criminals, as well as an innocent bystander. Stabler yells at her to put her gun down, but just when she is about to, the wounded killer taunts her and says he should have killed Jenna along with her mother. As Jenna points her gun and prepares to take one final shot, Stabler shoots her in her side to stop her. She falls to the ground and tells Stabler she had just bought the gun off the street: "It was easy." Gun-control lesson learned, SVU.
7. Best New Mystery: Barney's always declaring "new is better," so color us not totally shocked when How I Met Your Mother reveals that it is indeed the Barnacle who will change his womanizing ways and tie the knot "a little ways down the road" in the wedding that was featured in the season premiere. Now the question is: Who is he marrying? Nora? Robin? Someone else? Robin's heartbroken face after Barney bumps into Nora is telling — but remember: Two Awesomes cancel each other out.
6. Best Potential Hire: If Catherine Tate's Nellie needs another reference for the manager gig on The Office, she can put us down. After displaying a Michael Scott-like endearing sweetness by claiming she would eliminate titles during her interview, she flips to cutthroat broad — in a good way — and retracts her plans when Jim asks how she would deal with conflict. "[There would be] more division. Everyone is somebody's boss and that person can find a person below them," she says. "Once a month, the lowest-performing person [slices neck]." Oh, and there would be a Thai masseuse. "This job? Oh yeah, I will get it," she says later, perhaps foreshadowing what's to come. "Jo's an old friend. I think I'm her best friend. She's not my best friend."
5. Coldest Revenge: After three seasons, The Mentalist's Patrick Jane finally confronts Red John (a sinfully delicious Bradley Whitford), the man who killed his family, in a food court at the mall. Red John taunts Jane by describing how his wife and daughter smelled before he killed them. "Please. Wait," Jane says before unceremoniously shooting him three times in the chest. Killing Red John wasn't that surprising — he has vowed to do so many times — but we never knew Jane could be so cold-blooded. After the murder, he sits down, sips his coffee, asks for the check and coolly surrenders to authorities. Now that he's no longer consumed with revenge — and not to mention, is a murderer — what's next?
4. Greatest Delayed Satisfaction: Team Will fans rejoice when our favorite ruthless lawyer and Alicia finally decide to get a room on The Good Wife. After they're forced to wait through what feels like 100 elevator door openings and closings and a glitchy room key for the Presidential Suite, it seems all hope for their one hour may be lost. Will literally pleads to God, but Alicia takes the key and gets it open with one try. Great timing for the very deserving good wife.
3. Most Super Send-off: It only took 10 years, but Clark Kent finally puts on tights (sort of) and takes off in flight in the series finale of Smallville. It culminates with a glimpse into the future, where Lois Lane is the intrepid reporter — with Jimmy Olsen by her side — and Clark strips off his Daily Planet garb for the iconic suit to defuse a bomb. Just another day in Metropolis.
2. Best Declaration of Love: As if Captain Montgomery sacrificing his life for Beckett isn't enough of a gut punch on Castle, in the Season 3 finale's closing moments, Beckett, while delivering Montgomery's eulogy, gets shot in the torso by a sniper most likely hired by her mother's murderer. As she lays bleeding and crying (c'mon, she's not dying), Castle can't hold back his true feelings any longer: "Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate," he whispers, just as her eyes close. Now can we finally get Josh out of the picture?
1. Biggest Surprise: Angela and Hodgins aren't the only ones with babies on the brain on Bones. Shortly after Angela delivers, Bones tells Booth that she is pregnant, quelling speculation about whether producers would write in Emily Deschanel's pregnancy. "You're the father," she says, as he breaks into a big smile upon hearing the news — an apparent result of their seemingly not-sexual night together last week following Nigel-Murray's death. We're still processing the news, but we feel for B-B 'shippers who were deprived of a let's-get-it-on scene. Hmm, time for Flashback Sex?
What were your top moments?
Our top moments of the week:
(Disclosure: TV Guide is owned by CBS Interactive, a division of ViacomCBS.)