Obviously most of us are smart enough to write fake diaries in order to better hide our secret diaries, but not even a certified genius, coke-sniffing, good-time gal like Laura Palmer could have predicted how pored-over her secret diary would become. The hunt for this leather-bound confession-fiesta took up several episodes during Twin Peaks' initial run, and a version of it was even published IRL (in real life) for those of us lucky enough to visit a B. Dalton and snatch one up before it fell out of print. (Fun fact: The lurid, frequently pornographic The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer was penned by David Lynch's daughter, Jennifer Lynch!) Anyway, one of the biggest unanswered questions left by the original two seasons and the physical tie-in diary was, what exactly was written on the "missing" four pages that had been torn out of Laura Palmer's secret diary? Well, "Part 7" went ahead and told us finally.

That's right, much like how last week's episode of Twin Peaks revealed the true identity of Diane, we now know the contents of at least three of the missing pages from Laura Palmer's diary. And they just may be the key to rescuing Dale Cooper from the limbo he seems to be trapped in. Also, just FYI, "Part 7" was possibly the best episode of this season yet. Let's talk about it!

We began in the woods where a wealthy, elderly stoner was shouting into a pocket computer.

Poor Jerry Horne (David Patrick Kelly) had gotten himself too high! And his brother Benjamin Horne (Richard Beymer) was not very helpful when contacted via speakerphone. What was Jerry doing out in those woods, and why was he lost, and had he gotten his car stolen? The mysteries thickened. (Is that a saying?)

We then quickly learned what those pages were that Hawk (Michael Horse) had retrieved from the bathroom stall door... They were three of the four missing pages from Laura Palmer (Sheryl Lee)'s infamous diary! As Hawk and Sheriff Truman's brother Sheriff Truman (Robert Forster) theorized, they'd been torn from Laura Palmer's diary by her father Leland Palmer (Ray Wise) when he'd originally been brought in for questioning about her murder. And the contents of these pages? A hastily scribbled description of a dream she'd had, a future-prediction about Dale Cooper and Annie (!) returning from the Black Lodge. Basically the dream's main idea was that the Cooper that had returned from the Black Lodge was "not the good Cooper." Meaning, the one that had returned was good Cooper's bad doppelganger. We were finally getting somewhere!

The same couldn't be said for Andy (Harry Goaz), who was out investigating last week's fatal hit and run. He attempted to question a shady local about whether he'd been driving the truck that killed the boy, and the shady local was like, 'I'll tell you later' and Andy was like, 'Okay.' And would you believe it? The shady local did NOT meet up with Andy as promised. In other words, Andy was not a great deputy.

We then got this touching moment with Doc Hayward (the late Warren Frost, to whom this episode was dedicated), father of Donna (the M.I.A. Lara Flynn Boyle), proud user of Skype. Here Sheriff Truman asked Doc Hayward to recall the night Cooper had returned from the Black Lodge, and Hayward affirmed that something had been off about him. He also confirmed that Audrey Horne (Sherilyn Fenn) had survived the bank explosion, and at the time had been in a coma. We were then treated to a lengthy conversation about trout fishing, because Twin Peaks gotta Twin Peaks. But between this moment and an earlier scene where Sheriff Truman spoke to his brother on the phone and it became clear that Harry was currently battling cancer, Twin Peaks was 100% nostalgic heartache. Truly an emotional rollercoaster, this show.

For example: We then went from the heartbreaking to the macabre! That military officer we met last week arrived to inspect the headless corpse investigators had found in South Dakota. She then informed her boss (Ernie Hudson) that though the fingerprints matched Major Briggs' (Don S. Davis), the corpse was too young to be a match. And if that wasn't creepy enough, take note of THIS GUY hanging out in the background:

Was he the same grinning, headless spectre from Matthew Lillard's neighboring jail cell? Who even knows.

Probably the best sequence of "Part 7" was the first full scene with Laura Dern's Diane character. She loved to throw around the F-word almost as much as chain-smoking. At first she refused to help Albert (Miguel Ferrer) and Gordon (David Lynch), mostly because she seemed to harbor a grudge against Dale Cooper for some reason. But they were eventually able to convince her to board their private jet and have a face to face with the evil doppelganger they'd discovered in federal prison.

As you might imagine, the meeting did not go well.

Diane could tell right away that this was not the Dale Cooper she knew, and we were also teased with the notion that they'd perhaps had a steamy affair sometime in the past. Once a terrifying badass, Diane was reduced to a trembling, sobbing, booze-swilling mess out in the parking lot, and this was all Gordon and Albert needed to know about their fake-Cooper. Unfortunately the shark-eyed villain had a trick up his sleeve.

Having major dirt on a prison warden can come in handy sometimes, especially when it allows you to blackmail your way to freedom (complete with free rental car for getaway purposes)! So yeah, later that night, Fake Dale and even his shady friend Roy were suddenly released from prison and allowed to drive away into the darkness as free men. This was not good.

Speaking of good, Good Cooper found himself confronted at work by several detectives (including David Koechner) regarding his burnt-up car discovered in the Vegas suburbs.

As you might've guessed, this conversation didn't go very far considering "Doug-E" has very poor speaking skills, and also his wife Janey-E (Naomi Watts) was feeling VERY protective of her husband these days. But "Doug-E" would return the favor only minutes later when a certain little person hitman came for them in the courtyard!

But before Spike could murder "Doug-E," Good Cooper suddenly burst out of his near-paralysis and kicked the hitman's tiny b*tt! (Janey-E got in on the headlock action as well). And just when the scene couldn't get more memorable, the Evolution of the Arm showed up and commanded Cooper to "peel his hand off!" And then, uh, Cooper peeled the hitman's hand off? Or at least his palm! It was disgusting! But also hilarious! This show is the best.

Also, did you love the unofficial reunion of Laura Dern and her daughter from Big Little Lies? Poor Amabella just can't catch a break!

See, yeah. Peeled the palm of that little hitman's hand right off. A normal thing that happens sometimes.

We then got this strangely affecting scene in which Benjamin Horne and his new secretary Beverly (Ashley Judd) attempted to locate the origin of a hum in his office. I truly can't explain why this scene was so lovely, but it was probably the actual sound mixed with their excited performances. Were they flirting? Falling in love? And why was it all so unsettling? Whatever the case, it was bewitching and I really liked it.

But Beverly's mirth would be short-lived, as we followed her home and met the unwell man she was stuck in an unhappy living situation with. He was mad at her for leaving him alone all the time, and she was mad at him for being mad even though she was merely trying to keep the lights on. Not sure where this plotline is going, but there's still 11 more hours to figure it out!

There was also this major reminder that the Renault family are all trash. Here one of the Renault boys took a phone call where he insisted some unknown man owed him money for 'two 15-year-old whores' he'd pimped out or whatever. Was he referring to the teenage girls who got roughed up in the bar a few weeks ago? Gosh, that would be disturbing. But because this show is about contrasts, we can't have a scene about Twin Peaks' darker elements without reminding us that it's also a warm and friendly place!

This was just a lovely little closing shot of the diner at full bustle. And I'm not sure if it was intentional or not (I'm assuming EVERYTHING is), the closing song was "Sleep Walk," also known as the main music from Madchen Amick's iconic '90s horror film Sleepwalkers. Personally I would not be shocked if David Lynch was a big fan of that ridiculous movie.

"Part 7" was one of the best episodes yet. It contained the full gamut of horror, comedy, and esoterica while also giving us a sense that these disparate pieces do indeed relate to one another. Just when we'd resolved ourselves to enjoy this thing on its own merits, it's unexpectedly and oddly pleasing that tidbits and non-sequiturs from weeks past really will have an impact on future episodes. Now I just have to decide if I'm going to write about these feelings in my fake diary or my secret one!

Twin Peaks airs Sundays at 9/8c on Showtime.

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